Strength

Growing up for me has been very difficult, and I know I’m nowhere near being done. I always felt as if I were unwanted, I never felt loved and appreciated in my Family, or as a person in general. I was always spoiled with material things, but never with Love. I’ve never had anyone to talk to about my problems, no one to run and cry to when times got tough. I’ve recently been getting along with my parents better than ever, but up to now I’ve never had a relationship with either of the two. I’ve never heard an “I Love You” or “We’re Proud Of You” from them. I’ve never been able to cry to my mom about boy problems, struggles in school, nothing at all. I used to blame her for it, but I’ve realized it’s neither her fault nor mine. Since I was the youngest I always felt as if I were constantly picked on, my parents believed my siblings before me, I was always given a tough time. I went through a very tough phase when I was young. I was hit, talked down to, bullied… I never felt good enough for anyone or anything, it brought about many self-esteem issues and insecurities. I thought about taking my own life more than once, I hurt myself and never opened up to anyone about it. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I had no one to go to. For a while I became depressed, bitter, angry at life. What hurt the most was keeping it all to myself, there were countless amounts of sleepless nights where I cried myself to sleep because I couldn’t understand why everything that happened to me, had happened. I was broken and weak, very weak. These past couples of years however, have helped me heal and become the much stronger person I am today.

         When I was about twelve I met someone who has turned my life around. That someone is my boyfriend of almost four years now who has taught me to love myself unconditionally. He brought me out of the dark cave I was in emotionally, he’s taught me to love myself and to always look at the brighter side of things because they can always be worse. Where Him and I will end up, I don’t know.. It’s been a rough road. But one thing is for sure, he’s shown me how strong of a person I really am. I used to think I was only strong because of him, but I’ve realized all the strength I have, is something I’ve gained all on my own.

         A little over two years ago, I faced a breaking point. My cousin was diagnosed with Leukemia; he fought a tough battle for ten months and unfortunately couldn’t make it and passed at the young age of 21. Losing him was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to face. What hurt was the fact that I sat here and complained about little things when there are people out there fighting tougher battles. Throughout his fight with Cancer, not once did he complain or give up. The admiration I have for him is unbelievable. I’ve never met anyone as strong as him. He’s given me that little extra push to overcome anything that comes my way. Not a day goes by in which I don’t look at his picture and get a sudden urge to cry; A sudden sense of regret for always complaining about the little things in life. And even to this day, I think about him and what he went through to give me the strength to go on with my day no matter how bad it’s going.

         Of course, there have been many other people along the way who have lifted me up little by little. Some of these people are still in my life and others are not. But like they say, “People in your life are seasons, and everything that happens is for a reason.” I’m finally content with the past I regret, all my mistakes have turned into lessons learned. I was weak, only to become strong. To this day, I wish I would’ve been able to have a relationship with my parents, but there’s not much to do now. I know they love me and appreciate me even if they’ve never let it be known. Maybe one day, I’ll be able to open up to them just like I’ve always wanted to. Looking back, all the tears have been worth it. They’ve made me the person I am today. I still don’t know where I’ll end up in a year or even five years, but I do know that I have an unstoppable drive and determination to be successful. There are still times here and there in which I sit and wonder what I’m doing with my life, I still have my moments of weakness. But the strength I’ve learned to have overcomes it all. I can’t wait until I’m all grown up with my set career and family. I can FINALLY say that I’m happy, happy with my life and the way things are going for me. I’ve learned to appreciate everything I have and live for myself. Just remember that no matter what you go through in life, you should never give up. Always strive to be the best you can be, everyone’s beautiful in their own way. As long as you have faith, anything’s possible. With this being said, “when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance....”

-Brenda Velasquez, Age 19