Sexy Costumes... Yay or Nay?

In honor of Halloween, we asked a variety of women how they feel about the "Sexy" Halloween costumes that so many girls and women wear.  Each one of them was asked if they wear or have worn sexy costumes for Halloween, why or why not and how old they are.  We want to hear from you as well!  Read through these and pick a number that you relate to most.  And leave a little extra comment with the number you choose.

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Here are the responses we received:

1.  Yes I did wear sexy costumes in college when I was single, in a sorority and had parties to go to with friends. It was more social and I did it with all my sisters. I don't now because I'm married and just don't care to dress up at all, sexy or not.. Lol. My current age is 27 and my days of dressing sexy were from 18-23.

2.  I don't ever want to dress sexy but unfortunately it's often the only convenient and available costumes out there (besides making your own).  Who has time for that!?!  I often have to do things to un-sexify them. I am 35 with children that I want to dress up with.  I use to want to dress sexy in my College days.  I think that's when they kinda first got popular.  And I indefinitely did it for the attention!

3.  I haven't ever.  It wasn't my thing. I'm 28.

4.  Yes I have. And yes I still would dress up in a sexy halloween costume. I don’t see the problem with dressing up and feeling sexy. I think women should be able to wear whatever they want without criticism. If you feel comfortable and confident with what you are wearing then what should stop you? I am a huge advocate of wearing whatever the heck you want no matter what people say/think. I have definitely taken fashion risks, especially on Halloween.  I am currently 20 years old and my days of sexy Halloween costumes are definitely not in my past. They will probably be in my future too! If it makes you feel sexy, confident, cute, beautiful, or anything positive then go for it! Who cares what anyone else thinks? LOVE YOURSELF.

5.  No I try and do org costumes.  I feel like it's nicer to be an individual than to wear a bag costume. I'm 29 years old.

6.  I do. As a teenager and young adult I think we are still very into the idea that sex sells. Not in a bad way, but in the way that it's just how our society is and we're much more prone to give into the idea of a "sexy" costume at our age. I personally don't mind doing it. I feel comfortable enough with myself and to be completely honest I know part of me is doing it for the attention. But again, I am young and I feel it is ok for now. If you were to ask me again in a few years my answer would be much different. I'm 21 years old.

7.  I haven't dressed up this year but I don't feel too comfortable being in super sexy costumes cause 1 I'm a mother.  I feel like those who know me age are like "WTF you're a mom."  I could come up with a cool costume that is unique and fun that doesn't have my ass hanging out.  I am 28 and I don't feel like my sexy days are in the past but I have never felt that I have had "sexy" Halloween days lol.

8.  Yes, when I was in college (and post-college) my girlfriends and I always did themed "group" costumes, and had fun making our "sexy and cute" versions of Disney princesses, cereal box characters, etc.  Friends and I still do our themed costumes, but have toned them down. We focus on the fun of dressing up and on making the costumes look "accurate" as opposed to sexy. As we have gotten older, we realized we get just as much attention and feel much more comfortable in costumes that are not so exposed. :)  I'm 29. I would say my last "sexy" costume was when I was 22 or 23.

9.  I haven't worn sexy Halloween outfits. I've wanted to occasionally but never felt comfortable so I never did.  I'm 24 now and I don't know if I will ever go through with wearing a sexy costume.

We'd love to hear what your take is on this Sexy Halloween Costume topic! Comment below and tell us which number you relate to most and include your own explanation if you'd like.  

Dream Big, Dream Often!

“No matter where you’re from, your dreams are valid.”

                                                -Lupita Nyong’o

I am a dreamer! I have so many goals and aspirations they could fill up an entire page. I dream big and I dream often because I know, somehow, someway, I will accomplish one, if not all of my goals. But I haven’t always been this way.

I couldn’t even begin to count the number of times I have been shut down or have had people doubt me and my abilities. I can vividly remember a time in high school when a group of “friends” talked about me behind my back, and not in a pleasant way. “She’ll never amount to anything”, “She’ll drop out of school and get pregnant," whatever you can think of that is negative or mean, was probably said. I felt extremely sad and upset and at that point wanted to completely give up.

I shut ALL the way down and at one point had begged my mom to send me to another school in another city, the whole nine! I wanted to get away, I felt alone, my best friend was at another school, and these “friends” had shut me out. My mom said she would consider it if that was what I really wanted to do but asked me to really think about it and made note that I could let them “win” or I could shut them down and prove them wrong!

Needless to say, I decided I would prove them wrong. Graduated from high school, went to college on a softball scholarship and graduated. Now I am a personal trainer doing what I love as well as pursing a master’s degree in business with dreams of opening my own facility/business. I am also engaged to an amazing man who loves and supports all of my hopes and dreams 100%. I have a family who backs me 100% still.

I wrote this in order to say: people will do and say anything to see you fail (not everyone of course) and make you feel invalid. My message to you is DON’T let them! Never let someone say that you can’t do something or that you will never amount to anything, that you are wasting your time. Never think you can’t do something because of the ignorance and negativity of someone else because chances are, if you keep going, keep working hard, keep trying, and use all of that negativity and hatred to fuel you, you will amount to GREAT things and all of your dreams will come true!!!

-Shoni Johnson

Age 24 

How Proud & Pretty in Pink Helped Me Accomplish My Dream

“And your 2013-2014 Miss Fontana is…” My palms became clammy. This was the moment I had been waiting for for the past three years. I was clinging onto the announcers every last word, hoping my name would follow. I never imaged that this moment would change my life forever and that the next year would be the busiest year of my life. I never anticipated that in this moment, my childhood dream would finally become a reality. “KAYLA HOCKMAN!”

Becoming Miss Fontana has always been a dream of mine since I was a small child. Wearing a crown and being a princess was the dream. I never imagined the reality of this dream, as it really is more than just wearing a crown and being a princess. I became a role model and an ambassador for the city I grew up and lived in for my entire life. I was given the opportunity to make a difference in children’s lives by giving them hugs, letting them try on my (rather heavy and sparkly) crown, posing for pictures and being a positive role model for them to look up to. It has also given me the opportunity to become involved in the community and make a difference for the individuals around me. Being Miss Fontana has formed me into a stronger and more confident individual while always being in the Fontana spotlight.

Six months into my reign, I am a changed individual, only for the better. This humbling experience has taught me to give others my smile and that in the end you should always choose happiness. It has also taught me that it is important to remember that you are always in the public eye and it’s important to remember that people are looking up to you although you may not know it. My trials and tribulations to become Miss Fontana have taught me to never give up on a dream. Although I had lost two years prior while competing in the Miss Fontana Pageant, I never gave up. I kept trying, because it was something I always wanted and I wasn’t going to stop until I achieved my goal. I guess in my situation, the third time's the charm!

I would not be Miss Fontana or the person I am today without the help of Proud and Pretty in Pink. This amazing organization has formed me into the confident individual I am today. Being an active participant in Proud and Pretty in Pink and having the opportunity to be one of the first girls to partake in their workshop/programs, has given me self confidence and made me feel beautiful in my own skin. It took me from a timid and insecure high schooler to a poised and beautiful woman. It allowed me to come out of my shell. It has taught me to always feel beautiful in my own skin, regardless of negative comments from others and society. Beauty is not defined by words, physical appearance, or actions. Beauty is rooted in our hearts and it is not a superficial thing. Everyone is beautiful in their own way, and Proud and Pretty in Pink has made me realize this. I am forever grateful for everything I have gained from this amazing organization and I thank Proud and Pretty in Pink for shaping me into the empowered woman I am today. With a little PINK in your life, you can change the world.

Written By: Kayla Hockman (Miss Fontana 2013-2014)

Age: 20

Creating a Life you Love

During the month of April 2013, Proud and Pretty joined Scensiblesbags.com for Spring into Self-Esteem Week. We wanted to post the blog entry on Writings in Pink, that Chelsie wrote on how to Create a Life you Love.  This applies to all people all the time.

Everyone deserves to love their life.  But for most of us, a “perfect” life isn’t something that falls into our laps.  We have to work to set up a life that we can be happy with and proud of.  When using the word perfect, I am referring to a life perfect for you.  No life is the same and what leaves us feeling content with who we are and what we do is different for everyone.  Figuring out what we want in life can be difficult, but it’s necessary.  There are so many situations that are out of our control but helping ourselves to have control over the controllable is a great way to live a lovely life.

Here are some of the greatest things you can do for yourself to better your life:

-Live consciously.  Being aware of what causes us to feel insecure, negative and down helps us to seek solutions to fix these issues.  Be realistic about what you are good at and the things that you may need to work on.  We can’t all be great at everything and distinguishing between our strengths and weaknesses can help us feel more confident in how we live our lives. 

-Surround yourself with GOOD people.  You want to share your life with people that lift you up and separate from those who bring you down.  The influence that other people have on us can affect the way we live.  If you are around people who judge you, who criticize you and who do not have your best interest in mind then you are not getting the interaction you deserve or need in order to feel good about yourself.  On the other hand, if you are around people who compliment you, inspire you to be better, help you when you’re in need, and provide a personal mirror to help you see how wonderful you really are, then you are more likely to feel good about yourself and strive to be your very best.

-Stay focused on your health.  Although many people are consumed by careers, school, family, and the busyness of everyday life, it is important to remember that keeping yourself healthy should be first on your list.  Without health, we are nothing.  Eating well and exercising does wonders for your mind and body.  It can bring on feelings of accomplishment and worth.  When you eat a healthy meal you feel light and energized.  When you do some physical activity you experience the amazing affect that endorphins have on the body.  Focusing on your health is something you do for you.  It is your personal time to get intimate with yourself on multiple levels.  It shows you care for yourself and in turn your body will repay you with confidence.  

-Keep a Journal.  Being able to write your feelings down can help you to understand your different moods.  You can go back and re read what you have written and how you have felt.  This is a powerful tool because we need to identify our triggers.  What makes us happy?  What upsets us?  What causes us to feel bad about ourselves?  These are all things that we can learn by looking back at situations and how they made us feel.  Writing is also a good way to release pent up energy and emotions.  Things that you may not want to share with others can be shared between you and a pen and paper or computer. 

-Set realistic goals.  Everyone should have goals in life.  They keep us moving and they motivate us to progress.  Goals are plans that you commit yourself to achieve.  Goals give us purpose.  They give us something to strive for and to work towards.  Make a list of goals that you need or want to accomplish.  Set short term goals and check them off one by one.  The positive feeling that comes from seeing a check mark next to a goal is very motivating.  Set long term goals that the short term ones will help you reach.  Be realistic but at the same time, strive for the best.  Goals help us to create a vision while setting up a plan to successfully accomplish whatever we set out to do.

-Create a plan.  Figure out what helps you be the best you.  List your strengths and weaknesses while having a solution based mindset.  Understand that not everything will go the way you want it to go.  Situations will arise that will test your strength both mentally and physically.  If you have a plan in place that you can put into motion these situations will be less stressful on your life.  Understand what calms you down.  Understand what and who helps you cope.  Realize the people that should be, and deserve to be a part of your life.  Figure out what motivates you and also what cripples you.   If you become more aware of these things you will be able to live a better, less stressful life.

Each one of us dances to the beat of a different drum.  Take some time to find your rhythm and get to know the person you really are.  Understanding yourself and what makes you dance will lead you to a life you love. 

Day 4 of Spring into Self-Esteem Week: Tweet Chat

We had an amazing tweet chat today with some great women!  I thought I'd share the questions, answers and responses here on Writings in Pink for those who missed it.  The chat focused of Media & Self-Esteem:

Q1: The media has women in constant competition w/eachother trying to obtain perfection. What is this doing to our self-esteem? 

A1: We're trying to obtain the media's ideal of perfection which leaves us feeling inferior. It's stressful,consuming&causes jealousy 

Response from @h1ppychick:  It's unrealistic. Media should be encouraged to embrace real women. No air brushing. Every girl is beautiful as they are

Response from @shonijay: I think this tears down our self esteem. We are so busy trying to keep up with the media that we forget what makes us happy

Response from @AuntRuby: its completely destructive! It tears apart friendships and families.

Response from @cyncers: It leaves me feeling like I won't be able to achieve the look or persona that's constantly pushed on us

Response from @MeeChelle7: I agree. We spend time and money trying to keep up with the media's idea of fashion and body image.

Response from @kduhh: Media makes women feel less confident and beautiful in their own skin because perfect images make us feel less beautiful.

Q2: What influences someone's Self-Esteem? 

A2: Almost everything in life can impact selfesteem. Friends, family, experiences w/ jobs/school, media, health, social status,etc 

Response from @MeeChelle7: friends and family can be positive influences and the media is a negative influence! We all deal with all three

Response from @AuntRuby: Their peers! One thing to remember ladies! If your friends aren't making you feel good...they are not your friends!

Response from @kduhh: I think media has a huge impact on self-eesteme, because it makes women feel less perfect and beautiful in their own skin

Response from @cyncers: Images, peers and comparisons influence self esteem most.

Response from @shonijay: media, outside sources, peers, significant others can all influence someone's self esteem

Q3: What are some important facts that girls&women should understand while looking at the images of other women in magazines & on tv? 

A3: Almost ALL pictures are airbrushed. Those pictures do not represent what those people look like it real life. 

Response from @PortaPocketGal: that much of what u see in media has been "doctored" to create sense of perfection. NOONE's perfect!..not even "stars"

Response from @AuntRuby: That they are completely edited! Nobody looks like a magazine cover, ever!

Response from @cyncers: They have a team of professionals helping them and they do not look like that in real life.

Response from @MeeChelle7: They do not look like that on a daily basis. It's a collaboration of makeup, hair and photoshop

Response from @shonijay: when looking at media and women in media that we are all different in our own way. And a lot of what we see is fake!

Response from @kduhh: There are absolutely no images left that feature the real skin, curves or hair of a woman that hasn’t been significantly altered

Q4: What is the 1st and most important step when trying to create a healthy self-esteem? 

A4: Realizing where the negative thoughts in your head are coming from. Identifying the things in life that bring you down. 

Response from @kduhh: Look in the mirror daily and tell yourself you ARE beautiful! Because you are! Loving yourself is the best kind of love!

Response from @AuntRuby: Know where u are in your cycle! Hormones play a huge part in daily self-esteem. Dont count nature out!

Response from @h1ppychick: Learn to love yourself and embrace the fact that you are unique. No one can be myself like I can!

Response from @shonijay: love ourselves and compliment ourselves and be surrounded by positivity...don't live up to someone else's expectations

Response from @PortaPocketGal: Focus on good values u've been raised with. or those that u know 2b honorable. live w/those ideals & u can ♥ who u are

Response from @cyncers: Believing in yourself! Knowing what you want to achieve & working hard to get there, in all aspects of life.

Q5: True or False?  You should improve your self-esteem all on your own? 

A5: False! We need to find support from something or someone. To improve, u need to be inspired, educated, motivated & conscious 

Response from @shonijay: False! I feel like everyone needs to someone to compliment them and make them feel good. Positive reassurance!

Response from @PortaPocketGal: Much has to be from within but u need encouragement from friends & family too! makes whole > than the sum of its parts

Response from @AuntRuby: Never! reach out for help and support! Heck tweet at me!

Response from @kduhh: FALSE! Encouragement from others like friends and family and @ProudandPretty is always helpful and necessary!

Response from @cyncers: False. others are involved breaking it so to some degree they should be involved in rebuilding it

Q6: Should parents talk to their children about the so called "perfect" images shown in ads and on tv? 

A6: Yes! It would be beneficial if young teens understood the unrealistic aspects of those images. Models&Actresses aren't perfect. 

Response from @h1ppychick: Yes, we have a responsibility to do so. Provide an environment that supports open dialogue and education

Response from @PortaPocketGal: Parents need to be involved from the beginning & recognize the challenges & feelings their children are experiencing.

Response from @AuntRuby: Absolutely especially by their fathers! Its so important for future relationships.

Response from @cyncers:  Yes!!! They seen the images as real and need to know at a young age it's not real or achievable. Both girls and boys

Response from @shonijay: Yes especially this day in age. These "perfect" images are always in our face teens are wanting to emulate what they see and again it's not all real.

Response from @kduhh: definitely! Parents should always encourage their children to believe in their own beauty, no matter the images elsewhere

Limit the Voice of Your Inner Critic...

We are on Day 2 of "Spring into Self-Esteem Week" which we are hosting with Scensibles and today we are talking all about how to limit your inner critic and the negative words you use to speak to yourself.  We are providing positive affirmations thought out the day to help change the negative into positive talk! 

Psychologist Eugene Sagan came up with the term Pathological Critic which is the negative inner voice that attacks and judges you. People with low self-esteem have a more vicious and loud pathological critic.  You have to identify this voice and be able to tell the difference from your own voice and this critic.

Picture from potentials-within.com

Five Steps to Take to Limit the Voice of Your Critic:

•  Being aware of negative, self hating thoughts is the first step.  You can work to replace the negative with more positive thoughts once you realize what the critic is doing.
• Constant repetitive affirmations can drown out negative thoughts.
• Be compassionate towards yourself.  Focus on understanding why you are upset with yourself and then start coming up with solutions to fix your feelings.
• Stop saying self-hating words out loud.  Don’t talk badly about yourself to you or other people.  (This is so important especially if you have children.  NEVER talk badly about yourself in front of your kids.  You are setting them up to do the same to themselves in later years.)
• Think about, write down, or speak out loud about the things you are good at. 

Please follow Proud and Pretty in Pink (@ProudandPretty) and Scensibles (@Scensibles) on Twitter and also on Facebook for all the wonderful things we are sharing throughout this week!