Proud & Pretty in Pink is blessed to have supporters from different places all over in the world. Luana is from Brazil and has graciously decided to share her story with us. She is one of many who have struggled with eating disorders and in honor of Eating Disorder Awareness Week (Feb. 23rd - Mar. 1st) we wanted to share her story with you. If you or someone you know struggles with an eating disorder please reach out for help. If you are in our area Valenta Eating Disorder Clinic in Rancho Cucamonga is a great place with wonderful helpful people. If you are not in Southern California here are a few places you can go to find help:
Confidential Hotline: 1-800-931-2237
You are
fearfully and wonderfully made.
“I am forever engaged in a silent battle in my head over whether or not
to lift the fork to my mouth, and when I talk myself into doing so, I taste
only shame. I have an eating disorder.” - Jena
Morrow, Hollow
“Hi, my name is Luana, and I had eating disorders.” This is definitely
not the way I'd introduce myself, in fact most people from work, from the
church I belong and even from my family, don't know the story you're about to
read.
Every eating disorder has a beginning, I could say it started when I was
8 and definitely overweight, but to be honest my weight at that age didn't
bother me, I was just a child I was more interested in playing with the other
kids than on the size of my belly. Eventually as I grew up I dropped a few
pounds, I wasn't skinny but I was fine.
At the age of 13 was when everything really began. I was in seventh
grade and the pressure to look “nice” was greater. I was overweight for my age
and height, so I decided to go on a diet. I started it healthily, I was getting
the result I planned, everything was going well, I was feeling confident
when... EVERYTHING changed!
My mom was pregnant, eighth month of pregnancy, so far so good. Then, on
an appointment she found out the baby (my brother) was dead (for some inexplicable
reason). “You have to be strong, you have to be there for your mom”, that was
said to me several times. So I did, except that I only pretended to be strong!
The pain I was holding for losing my brother, was taken out on my
weight. I punished my body for feeling pain when it should be strong! Then I
focused my energy on losing weight. I always loved food, of all kinds, so to
stop eating was not something I could do. The only way to lose weight would be
to throw up everything I ate. Looking back now I can see how sickly that habit
was.
I injured my body in so many ways.
Though a part of me still feels shame, I know that sharing this story
can help other girls that are facing the same problems. The details in this
case are irrelevant, I don’t need to tell you how badly it got to show you that
there’s hope!
In my case, talking to my family was the way out. Reading the Bible and
praying helped me too. Knowing that God loves me and has a purpose for my life
made me rise from the ashes. There’s nothing like looking at the past wisely
and looking forward to the future with hope, knowing that better days are still
to come!
Trust me, “IT GETS BETTER”; your life has a meaning! Your existence has
a purpose. Don’t give up. If you could only see the wonderful things that are
in store for you! Choose to be there when they arrive, choose to live!
“It's better to feel every kind of emotion than not feel at all. Allow
yourself to feel the one thing you've been pushing away. Call a friend, be
vulnerable, and share it with them.” - Demi
Lovato, Staying Strong: 365 Days a Year
Thank you, Chelsie from Proud & Pretty in Pink for giving me the
opportunity to share a little bit of my story with you all. I wish all the best
with this project, and to every person that stopped by to read this, thank you!
I appreciate each and every one of you!
Luana Mattos.
Age: 21
Twitter: @dymattoss
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