Proud, Pretty and (Hot) Pink

I was always an outgoing girl. I loved singing, dancing, goofing off and making my friends laugh. If my personality were a color- it would probably be a very hot pink. 

This hot pink personality is probably what drew Him to me in the first place. So we started dating. It was my first “real” relationship and everything was so exciting. It was great having someone there all the time and knowing you had a partner for everything. I was so eager to dive right in and enjoy every moment of being in a relationship. But as months turned into years, a subtle change was happening that I barely even noticed it. Certain situations would arise where he’d ask me to “tone it down.” He’d become impatient over something and I’d quickly change my mind and do whatever was faster or easier or more convenient to him. He’d point out occasions in public where he thought I was being “too much” for other people and suggest I take a more subtle approach. It was never over anything in particular, which is probably why I never really noticed. But eventually, through the course of five years, I started to realize the hot pink had suddenly faded to a very sad, worn out, dull and dusty rose.

When did I stop singing and goofing off with my friends? When did I stop making time for my friends or even myself? It’s so cliché, but I learned for myself how true the saying is, “Love is blind.” That goes especially for first loves. Somehow, I got wrapped up in the love bubble and lost my way. I became so consumed with making one person happy, I forgot about the other person in the relationship- ME. I stopped asking for compromise and started catering to his needs over mine. Most friends eventually gave up on inviting me to do things because they knew I wouldn’t go anyway. I forgot what my own hobbies were, couldn’t even recall if I had any before. All of my time and energy was going to one person, and that’s where it gets dangerous.

I’ve learned that happiness is not something you can rely on just one person or thing for. Buying a certain pair of shoes won’t bring you happiness for longer than the night you spend wearing it out. Being in a relationship won’t bring you happiness either if you are constantly relying on just that person to give you everything. You end up draining both your energy and their energy from the process. Suddenly things aren’t so light and fun anymore. You wonder why things don’t feel the same. It’s not until you realize you are the one partly to blame. Sure, He may have been the one to ask you to dial down the personality, but You are also the one who allowed that to happen.  You are the one who also got caught up in loving just one person that you forgot about loving yourself and the other people who care about you. It’s never been my thing to play the victim, I am much more comfortable being the victor. When I look back at this past situation, I can see it for exactly what it was- a lesson in how to move forward in my life.

I can see now that no one should ever ask you to dull your shine and if they do, they aren’t worth your time. They could never appreciate you for the true light you bring to the world. It is YOUR job alone to keep being yourself and identifying where your light is loved and valued. Not everyone will agree with who you are, but don’t let that stop you. There will be people who love you for the different shades you color into their lives and I know for sure there’s someone out there who can love and appreciate hot pink.

Written By: Janah Valenzuela, Age 28

Check her out at:

http://quarterlifecomeback.tumblr.com/

Twitter: @janlo3