Since I was a baby until today, there has always been
violence in my household. Every day there would be drama, negativity, and more
drama that I could not get away from. My parents never seemed to get along and
would always trash talk each other and about each other to their own children!
I had no control over what I would see or hear, no matter how hard I tried. Of
course, when I was younger I would not say much because I felt there was
nothing I could do to help my parents or the economic problems we were facing.
Yet, I knew this was not a household I would experience and be in for much
longer.
My way out of this nightmare was school and extracurricular
activities. I have been good at school since middle school and I still am now
that I am in college. I knew school was something I enjoyed and that would
eventually help me break the cycle of financial struggles within my family.
After high school, because I did so great, I received two
full ride scholarships to a university. I know I didn’t want to keep living in
a house that had screaming, yelling, and just pure negativity so I decided to
get out. I thought I had everything set when I decided to move in with a much
older boyfriend I met my senior year. At
first, my parents disapproved. Yet, as
time went on, they knew they would not change my mind and that all they could
do was support me.
My first year living away from my parents and with this
boyfriend started off great. I knew I was independent, responsible, and most importantly,
happy. Yet, the trend I saw in my
parents’ house was starting to begin. My
boyfriend and I would have horrible fights. The difference between my parents
and us was that we wouldn’t trash talk each other 24/7. We knew we loved each other and in the end we
could fix our problems. These fights
were only about certain things and they would not happen every single day, but
when they did, they were dreadful! At one point in our relationship it did
become an everyday thing. Being around
each other always seemed impossible because we would always have something
negative that he didn’t want to talk about but I did. I pushed because I knew I didn’t want to end
up like my parents. I always believed
that these fights were my fault, so I went for professional help. There I found out I never had control over
anything as a child, and now in my relationship, I wanted to take control of
everything. Still, I worked to improve
myself.
Up until a recent experience, I realized that most of those
fights were not my fault and that what happened to me was not my fault. One day, I wanted to go out dancing since I
do not really get to do so. At first, my
boyfriend did not want to go because he got out of work late and he had plans
with his dad the next morning. Yet, he
still decided to go to make me happy. He
invited another couple over, but by the time we were all ready we knew the club
was almost closed. Therefore, we decided
to stay home and play a drinking card game.
Long story short, after our friends left we were so drunk, that we
blacked out. The only thing I remember
was him physically abusing me. From this, I felt so low and so down on myself
that I wanted to hurt myself, so I did. I ended up in the hospital and the next
day I could not believe I woke up to stitches in my arm and a black eye. Worst
of all, both my boyfriend and I do not remember how this fight started or even
why. Before we blacked out we were happy
and not even close to having conflict with each other. We were both so lost and
just needed time away from each other. Until this day, we do not know if we
will get back together or not. One thing
for sure is that we do love each other but now I know love isn’t enough.
I went from an abusive household to an abusive
relationship. I have opened my eyes to
reality. I am writing this to show you that a woman always needs respect and
appreciation. This incident had to happen for this man to realize that he
didn’t respect me or appreciate me. I have promised myself not to consume
alcohol or be around individuals that do because I know that’s what caused a
fight in which I could have lost my life, just as many others have lost their
lives. Ladies, just know, this man knows of the promise I have made to myself
and knows that the only possible way of us living our lives together would be
for him to stay away from alcohol too. If he doesn’t, I know there are better
and bigger things out there. Don’t allow anyone to change your mindset just
because of love or friendship. Stick to what you believe in and if those people
don’t respect what you want, then they are not for you and you’ll find better!
Written by: Marilyn Hawley, Age 19
well written! good job marilyn Im proud of you! In order for a relationship to work both LOVE and RESPECT must be present. I know ur still healing emotionally from this situation...but you have a very bright future ahead of you. Nothing changes overnight, but it takes just one little step to get you ahead and you took the first step which is physically removing yourself from a negative environment. The next step is surrounding yourself with positive people who make you feel that you can conquer the world! Good luck in all your future endeavors and hopefully you can find peace and happiness within yourself.
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