GROWING from WEAK to INDEPENDENT

     Since I was a baby until today, there has always been violence in my household. Every day there would be drama, negativity, and more drama that I could not get away from. My parents never seemed to get along and would always trash talk each other and about each other to their own children! I had no control over what I would see or hear, no matter how hard I tried. Of course, when I was younger I would not say much because I felt there was nothing I could do to help my parents or the economic problems we were facing. Yet, I knew this was not a household I would experience and be in for much longer.

My way out of this nightmare was school and extracurricular activities. I have been good at school since middle school and I still am now that I am in college. I knew school was something I enjoyed and that would eventually help me break the cycle of financial struggles within my family.

After high school, because I did so great, I received two full ride scholarships to a university. I know I didn’t want to keep living in a house that had screaming, yelling, and just pure negativity so I decided to get out. I thought I had everything set when I decided to move in with a much older boyfriend I met my senior year.  At first, my parents disapproved.  Yet, as time went on, they knew they would not change my mind and that all they could do was support me. 

My first year living away from my parents and with this boyfriend started off great. I knew I was independent, responsible, and most importantly, happy.  Yet, the trend I saw in my parents’ house was starting to begin.  My boyfriend and I would have horrible fights. The difference between my parents and us was that we wouldn’t trash talk each other 24/7.  We knew we loved each other and in the end we could fix our problems.  These fights were only about certain things and they would not happen every single day, but when they did, they were dreadful! At one point in our relationship it did become an everyday thing.  Being around each other always seemed impossible because we would always have something negative that he didn’t want to talk about but I did.  I pushed because I knew I didn’t want to end up like my parents.  I always believed that these fights were my fault, so I went for professional help.  There I found out I never had control over anything as a child, and now in my relationship, I wanted to take control of everything.  Still, I worked to improve myself. 

Up until a recent experience, I realized that most of those fights were not my fault and that what happened to me was not my fault.  One day, I wanted to go out dancing since I do not really get to do so.  At first, my boyfriend did not want to go because he got out of work late and he had plans with his dad the next morning.  Yet, he still decided to go to make me happy.  He invited another couple over, but by the time we were all ready we knew the club was almost closed.  Therefore, we decided to stay home and play a drinking card game.  Long story short, after our friends left we were so drunk, that we blacked out.  The only thing I remember was him physically abusing me. From this, I felt so low and so down on myself that I wanted to hurt myself, so I did. I ended up in the hospital and the next day I could not believe I woke up to stitches in my arm and a black eye. Worst of all, both my boyfriend and I do not remember how this fight started or even why.  Before we blacked out we were happy and not even close to having conflict with each other. We were both so lost and just needed time away from each other. Until this day, we do not know if we will get back together or not.  One thing for sure is that we do love each other but now I know love isn’t enough. 

I went from an abusive household to an abusive relationship.  I have opened my eyes to reality. I am writing this to show you that a woman always needs respect and appreciation. This incident had to happen for this man to realize that he didn’t respect me or appreciate me. I have promised myself not to consume alcohol or be around individuals that do because I know that’s what caused a fight in which I could have lost my life, just as many others have lost their lives. Ladies, just know, this man knows of the promise I have made to myself and knows that the only possible way of us living our lives together would be for him to stay away from alcohol too. If he doesn’t, I know there are better and bigger things out there. Don’t allow anyone to change your mindset just because of love or friendship. Stick to what you believe in and if those people don’t respect what you want, then they are not for you and you’ll find better!

Written by: Marilyn Hawley, Age 19