My Eating Disorder...

I never thought I had a problem with my body image until the day I was diagnosed as anorexic. I was diagnosed in middle school and I couldn’t quite grasp the idea that something was wrong with me. I honestly didn’t care, only caring when my therapist called my mom into school and told her the news in front of me as I watched my mom burst into tears. She cried for days and I just sat there watching her. That’s when I started realizing what I looked like in the mirror. I looked sick and pale.

Each therapy session I had to bring home a food journal and write down everything I ate with an adult’s supervision. This food journal made me realize how little I ate during the day. I would take a bite of something then throw it away because it made me sick.

My therapist began to ask me questions about how I thought I looked. I would answer saying my legs feel so heavy, feeling embarrassed to walk in front of the class or sit down because my thighs just felt abnormally huge. Every day I would look in the mirror and I would see myself as being thick, but I wanted to be thin. It was a struggle to find inner peace.

I would hide myself in sweat pants and jackets every day, even on the hottest days. I felt uncomfortable and embarrassed with the way I looked and I couldn’t figure out why. Deep down I knew I was skinny, but I just couldn’t get myself to completely believe it.

It was hard to feel like I wasn’t pretty enough. It took a huge toll on me because I never felt good enough for anyone. I would keep myself isolated because I always felt like others were judging me on how I looked because I always judged myself on how I looked. It was difficult to put myself out there and be okay with who I was.

It took me a long time to find peace with my body. It wasn’t until junior year of high school when I started gaining some weight and trying really hard to help myself get healthy again. I continued to attend therapy sessions because they were helping me realize my beauty and helping me realize that fit is the new skinny.

“Fit is the new skinny” changed my life around. I began to make sure I was eating a lot of protein and getting the necessary nutrition because I wasn’t able to do physical activities until I was healthy again.

To this day, I keep the right balance of working out and eating to help me feel good about myself and help others find their inner beauty.

Corenne Hall, Age 19, Covina CA